Fuck Family Circus
This afternoon I decided I would experiment on myself and not in the choke yourself while masturbating and punching yourself in the mouth kind of way. After drinking coffee and soda all morning I bought one of those five hour energy shots and found myself halfway on the brink of a heart attack. But at the same time I found myself with super-meth-head type energy boost; the results of which are what you’re about to see. I’m sure something similar to this has been done before but fuck them it’s never been done by me.
Before we move on you have to understand something: I, like most comedians, comic artists, people with half a brain, HATE FAMILY CIRCUS and nothing brings me more satisfaction than sullying something pure and innocent and twisting it into a dysfunctional clusterfuck. For legal purposes all the characters of The Family Circus are the copyright of the guy who makes this retarded strip. I’m just the asshole who took his wholesome words out and put my own fucked up jokes in there. With the groundwork laid, here it is:
Yes I feel really dirty for having written that caption.
Sadly, I did not write this line. Thank you Dave Attel.
Feel free to go ahead and spread ‘em around on the myspace and such….I could use the advertising.
Travis from How To Kill People (dot) Com: Sullying American institutions one anal-sex joke at a time.
May 7th, 2007 at 8:05 pm
Dude, you’re soooooooo gonna get sued. hahahahah
May 7th, 2007 at 8:12 pm
Holy shit. The new ones are fucking funny as hell too!
May 7th, 2007 at 8:26 pm
These make me happy. You will now hold the title of “Minister of propaganda” in my new Utopia! But dude just when I think you can’t sink much lower, you go and fall off a cliff! God bless you sir!
May 8th, 2007 at 12:52 am
I’ve always thought that it was amazing how not a single Family Circus cartoon has never been even remotely funny.
This totally makes up for it.
May 8th, 2007 at 4:25 am
LL - Nuh uh I said they were copyrighted by him. At this point it’s considered a parody because of that. Also I think the dude’s pushing somewhere near 100 years old.
Erica - I live to entertain
Das wunder kind - I will happily set at the right side of your thorne in the new world order.
Captain - coming from you, that means a lot.
May 8th, 2007 at 6:24 am
Trav, I know we haven’t spoken in, like, ten years. But now I know why I have you as a friend on myspace. I’ve found that reading these while listening to the Gorilla Biscuits is like a little slice of heaven.
May 9th, 2007 at 2:53 am
You never cease to make me laugh. Where do you find these thoughts? Wait, we don’t want to know, but appreciate the talent.
May 9th, 2007 at 3:06 am
Bill Keane is probably rolling over in his grave. If he’s not dead he should be.
May 9th, 2007 at 3:45 am
oh, i shall spread to the net. these are classic!
May 9th, 2007 at 3:49 am
Great way to make shit, funny, because This is funny shit.
May 9th, 2007 at 4:32 am
You are so gonna burn for this…..see you there.
May 9th, 2007 at 6:14 pm
And you say I have no soul…you’ll be right there burning next to me mother fucker!
May 9th, 2007 at 10:25 pm
You totally ripped off “The Family Suckass”. It’s a little publication in Vancouver that’s been doing vulgar captions to the Family Circus for years. I like yours though. Twisted.
May 10th, 2007 at 6:49 pm
Dude, you know you’re goin to hell, right?
May 11th, 2007 at 12:16 am
Doug - I know we haven’t spoken in a while but statements like these make me feel special.
Heidi - you really don’t want to know where these things come from
OWD - you are so very correct
Mr. Bud - your advertising check is in the ‘mail’
Funk - thank you sir
ODI - I long ago surpassed the ‘resident of hell’ now I’m aiming for management.
Lisa - no I will be a manager in hell…I won’t be with the lowly burnees. Thanks for killing my fish by the way.
red - I had no idea but like I said I’m sure it’s been done before…just never by me.
Dad - DUH!!!!!!!!
May 15th, 2007 at 4:28 pm
Oh I am so plastering these on people’s myspace pages.
Fucking hilarious.
May 23rd, 2007 at 3:34 am
wow…. this completely defies all laws of decency. well done.
May 25th, 2007 at 2:46 pm
i love you
May 26th, 2007 at 5:45 pm
can I subscribe to your comic strip? Watch Trailer Park Boys The Movie.
June 25th, 2007 at 9:54 am
Google + 4am + post-pussy-getting + 2 fat joints = stumbling across the sweetest fucking website since blacksonblondes.com
MAD PROPS.
August 24th, 2007 at 12:50 am
that wuz hilarious
August 24th, 2007 at 1:03 am
This is only part of what’s wrong with the world these days. These are not even funny.
Childish comes to mind but not really…..
Paul
August 27th, 2007 at 7:22 am
[…] in the least. In fact, I think some of it is hilarious. Be sure to check out his remix of the Family Circus […]
August 28th, 2007 at 2:42 am
childish indeed. that is what makes satire work. And i do love how it points out the intelligents of those who don’t get it. darwin will have them for lunch.
unfortunately, darwin is slow to catch up.
September 11th, 2007 at 3:08 am
Damn this shit is so funny and fucked up I want to put it on tshirts. Would you have a problem with that?
September 16th, 2007 at 12:20 pm
TWO THUMBS UP….
NOW, IF ONLY YOU COULD DO THAT WITH THE REST OF THE SORRY COMICS STRIPS I KEEP FINDING IN THE NEWPAPER!
September 16th, 2007 at 12:49 pm
{the shit is so funny}…
..do it agian.. PLEASE
September 26th, 2007 at 5:48 am
this is incredibly fucking funny.
October 2nd, 2007 at 9:16 pm
Very entertaining. Cartoons are the best, anything is possible.
October 11th, 2007 at 5:56 am
Once I stop wetting my pants, you are totally in trouble.
October 23rd, 2007 at 3:37 am
You are a freakin’ genius.
October 23rd, 2007 at 5:05 am
FYI: Probably the biggest reason FC is far from funny?
Bil Keane has NO kids. He’s never even been married!
Maybe when he finally croaks, they’ll replace FC with a cartoon about a poor black family living in the ghetto…… written by one of the Kennedeys.
And who the fuck spells Bill with one L?
October 23rd, 2007 at 6:39 am
Dark and obscene. Nice.
This site is going to get mad traffic in the next few days.
Sorry to hear about your troubles with Herr Commandante.
Some smart dude once said, “Fuck’em if they can’t take a joke!”
November 3rd, 2007 at 3:17 am
Some how this is how I imagined how family circus should have been. I might have read it then
November 20th, 2007 at 7:27 pm
This is better than CORN! Fuck!