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I’ve wanted to do this interview for a long time now. And fortunately for me, after much prodding and poking, I journeyed to the secret rehearsal lair of Absent Me to sit down with them and discuss their first full length album, “Hate To Wake You”, their troubles with keeping a steady line up, Myspace and the state of the Sacramento music scene.

If you read my site with any regularity you’ll know that I pimp out Absent Me as often as possible and sitting down to interview them should come as no surprise. I don’t interview bands that I don’t like; it’s a waste of time. Sure I’ve done reviews on movies that I think are giant steaming piles of crap but that’s because movies have the capability of lying to you. Movie previews can be edited and put together to a point where you can make even the shittiest of movies seem interesting. Bands don’t have that luxury. Music has to stand on its own and it’s obvious, within a few seconds of listening to a song, whether you are going to like it or not. It’s probably one of the last honest forms of artistic expression.

Now I’ve been involved one way or another with Absent Me since their first show on November 4th 2000. As a matter of fact I’ve lived with almost every member of the current line up. Sadly I learned during my interview that if things don’t work out with The Girl, Don won’t let me live with him. I guess I can understand that, he’s already got kids and probably doesn’t want a 26 year old child living with him. For those of you who don’t know: I was once in Absent Me – though admittedly I was little more than a stage prop who pushed buttons and made lights go on and off, but at least I could say I was in the band when I was talking to chicks. And along with myself the role call of Absent Me members, both past and present, it’s really quite impressive. Taking a look at members who have come and gone practically looks like a hit list.

Each Image opens in a new window for the larger version.

- DRUMS

- BASS

- KEYBOARD

- LIGHTS

-The Current Line Up

Absent Me started out playing more straight-forward, albeit more gothic styled, rock. And when I say Goth I mean it. We all had clever stage names – mine was Piko - and when we took the stage we looked like we just stepped off of the tour bus of the damned. Since the days of yore they’ve gone through a lot of stylistic changes, and lost the on stage get-up. Comparing the old material to the new is like comparing apples to hand grenades. Curtis used to write all of the music and hand it down to the other members to work on. These days they’ve gone to writing collectively where each member contributes to the shape and structure of the songs. It’s for that very reason that I felt like an amateurish asshole when I asked, “What do you attribute the stylistic changes in the band to?” and everyone looked at me – like I was holding a balloon and licking a window – and said, “New Members.” The caveat coming from Brian, “…Having a stronger rhythm section has opened up new avenues that we couldn’t have taken before.”

Having been around the group as long as I have; I’ve got a few favorite songs that are no longer in the rotation for live shows. I asked the guys if they ever planned on bringing back the old material, or re-working it and the consensus was: No. Though you can hear remnants of old material in some of their new stuff. Don took the quiet guitar from an old song and completely reworked it as the basis for the title track: Hate To Wake You. If there’s enough interest from you people reading this, and with the approval of the band, I’ll put up my two favorite old songs here on the site for you to download.

The interview was a pretty calm affair, for the most part, right up until we started talking about Myspace.

Brian: Fuck Myspace.

Curtis: Myspace has killed band websites.

-see what I mean?

Don: You used to be able to use your website to keep people informed about your shows. If people wanted to know when you were playing they could check your site, or they’d be on your mailing list. But with Myspace you can’t even post a bulletin to let people know when you’re playing because thirteen seconds after you’ve posted it, four billion other people post chain mail and crap and your show announcement gets buried.

Brian: And on top of that Myspace is the Starbucks coffee of websites and you know how I feel about Starbucks

Let me pause the interview real quick and explain something. Brian hates yuppies, Starbucks, Eddie Bauer…and pretty much anything associated with them. If you read the bio page of my website where it says this website has kept me from going on second dates – that was because of Brian. Early in the days of this site Brian was a contributing author. He wrote an angry diatribe one day after I went on a date with a forgettable girl who lived in an idealistic college town near me. It had nothing to do with her whatsoever, but both my date and her room mate knew about the site and after reading the diatribe the room mate, who also knew Brian, called him asking why I would write something like that about her friend. I didn’t write it, he did, but needless to say, she never called me back.

The last thing I asked these folks was about the Sacramento Music Scene. Collectively these guys have been playing in front of audiences for over a hundred years and Sac, you’re going to want to take notes. Aside from the fact that establishments to play music in have been dwindling each and every year the biggest problem with the Sacramento music scene is the fact that no one appears to be having a good time.

Brian: Everyone just stands there and glares at you. We can’t tell if they’re into it [the music] or if they’re thinking about trying to rob us after the show.

J0b: Hardly anyone gets up and moves. There’s no pit, no pogo-ing. A little crowd response during the song would be nice.

Curtis: People cheer and clap when we’re done but it would be nice if they got into it while we’re playing.

Listen up folks. When you go to a show the band feeds off of you as much as you react to them. If you’re enjoying the show do something. Bang your head, start a mosh pit, jump up and down like a crack head who just got lit on fire (not that I’ve ever lit a crack head on fire before)…show them you’re into the performance they’re putting on. If you’re a girl: Flash ‘em some titties. Everyone in Absent Me has a girlfriend or a wife, but do it out of appreciation for what they’re doing. Or you could always do what I saw at the last show I went to: You chicks could get drunk and start a mild softcore-lesbian-strip session. These guys put on too good of a show for you not to react.

With that I left the foursome to get back to writing and rehearsing, a new album is already in the works, and went off to listen to “Hate To Wake You” on my ride home. I’ve heard bits and pieces of this album for a while now and to hear it fully mastered and completed was wicked cool, especially the first thing you hear: A cell phone. Yes I marked out for a cell phone starting a song. That’s because the cell phone on the cd is actually playing a polyphonic ring-tone of the first song: 2wenty1. Curtis programmed it himself but from there on out hold on to your face; because it’s about to be rocked off of your fucking skull.

In order for any band to survive they have to be dynamic. And you won’t find a more dynamic album than this one. I’m not going to pigeonhole them into a category and say that they’re metal or hard rock because this band is all over the place. It’s haunting, it’s heavy, it’s quiet and introspective, it’s – strangely enough – even a little bit reggae. The talent of these four is not only on display on this album, it’s impossible to ignore. Brian spans the spectrum of vocal ranges, from whisper-quiet to screaming rage, with precision. Curtis’s guitar work is ethereal and driving, not to mention the fact that he still knows how to write a wicked solo; something hardly seen this day in age. J0b lays down bass lines that would make the likes of Mike Patton and Les Claypool drool. And you would be hard pressed to find, anywhere you looked, a drummer better than Don. I used to play drums and watching Don play live is truly a sight to see. I gave a friend of mine a copy of the CD and check out what happened:

My personal favorite track on this CD is “Thin”. Which is fantastic on the album but something you really need to see live in order to appreciate the talent, drive and energy that this band exudes. If you get a chance to see the guys play live you won’t want to miss it. For show dates check out their website. CDs are available at every show for a mere $10 but if you live outside of the greater Sacramento area and want a cd; email them and I’m sure something can be arranged. And if you see me on the street or at an Absent Me show: Flash me some titties and say, “Nice website Trav.” It’ll make all of this worth it.

My relationship with politics is tenuous, at best. It’s like having an ex-girlfriend who’s a drama-magnet, but gives great head at the most inappropriate times. You know that anytime you go near her you are going to want to pull your hair out and then beat yourself senseless with your own fists…but she gives REALLY GREAT HEAD while you’re in the Taco Bell drive thru…and sometimes that might be worth it.

The Gubernatorial election is coming up in less than a month and I gave up a long time ago on giving a shit what either side of anything says. Politicians are not in politics for the benefit of their fellow man. Politicians are in politics for the same reason I’m on the internet writing this shit: They’ve got nothing better to do and the attention makes them feel important. Politicians don’t give a flying fuck about the concerns of their constituents and they are so far removed from reality that they live in a little glass bubble of being judgmentally superior and stare down their nose at you for your filthy little lives. Shit just look at how we judge who we want to be our politicians: People who have never done anything wrong, who have no skeletons in their closet…essentially people who have NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT IT’S LIKE TO BE A REGULAR PERSON.

Okay, that last statement might not be true. Teddy Kennedy killed a woman, that’s kind of average Joe of him to do. Dubya had a bit of a coke problem. But really, once they get into office they stop relating to people like me. For fucks sake I live in a state that is governed by The Terminator!

They also never talk about things that affect me, or issues that I’m interested in. UNTIL NOW!

Two topics have dragged me back into the fray of talking about politics. Finally issues are being discussed that have meaning to me. Unfortunately because these issues actually matter to me they will probably be buried and end up never seeing the light of day. But I’ll bring them to your attention here and finally my voice will be heard.

The first topic is of dire importance to anyone who has ever used the internet…this you means you fuckers. It’s called Net Neutrality and here are the basics: Do you want your ISP telling you where you can go on the internet? Do you want your ISP speeding up your access to websites that give them money and slowing down those who can’t afford to do such a thing (like me)? Or would you rather the internet remain free and unfettered as it is right now? That’s the basis of Net Neutrality. There are websites that have far more information than I could even begin to pare down and you can do your own research at the following link.

But trust me; if you enjoy downloading Midget Porn and reading vulgar/comedic writers – once again this applies to me, and quite frankly if you aren’t telling your friends to read my website…you’re going to hell – then you need to understand the intricacies of Net Neutrality and write your senator. I wrote mine, but I’m pretty sure she blew me off after finding out I called her a Leather Clad, bestiality loving, transsexual deviant. But that’s the great thing about this interweb. I called her all of those things and she supports my freedom to do so.

The second topic is something that strikes me somewhere in the cockles of my heart. Just seeing that there is a group out there fighting this fight revitalizes my hope in the American Public. What am I talking about? Legalizing Prostitution. Californians For Privacy is a lobbying group that, according to their website, “…seeks to eradicate all laws that inhibit privately conducted consensual adult behavior, including privately conducted prostitution…” Let the angels weep at the beauty of this statement. (Click their name to read more about their plans)

What’s so wrong with prostitution? I obviously have no need for it anymore but I’ve been in the position where I would have bought myself some company for the evening. Some people see it as shameful. Why? How about this, let’s take a look at two scenarios and you tell me which one is shameful.

SCENARIO ONE.
A guy goes out to a bar with some friends. While he’s at the bar he spots an attractive girl. He approaches her and they start talking. Over the course of several hours they flirt and he buys her drink after drink plying her with booze to think he is more attractive and wittier. He pretends to listen to what she has to say and feigns interest as she talks about her cat. He lies about what he does and as they are leaving after last call he winks to his friends as they pile into a cab. They go to her house, have all sorts of deviant sex that would make Jenna Jameson blush, and in the morning he exits stage left leaving her with a disconnected phone number and a bed coated in a thin layer of Crisco and KY.

SCENARIO TWO.
A guy wants a blow job. He calls a prostitute. They arrange a price and a place to meet. He gets his blow job, she gets fifty bucks and everyone leaves happier.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH SCENARIO NUMBER TWO?
Nothing.

The other great thing about Californians For Privacy is the way their fundraisers are run. I only found out about this group and their aims after one of their fundraisers was busted and reported on in the Sacramento News and Review. “…there were just 100 guests eating, drinking, dancing and talking with about 30 professional escorts in lingerie; the theme of the event, according to one escort, was “pajama party.”

This is how politics should be. No stuffy fundraisers with shitty comics and overpriced food. No string quartets and assholes wandering around with an air of superiority. Give the public what they want: Half Nekkid chicks and booze – I’ve been a proponent for those two things for a while now, no matter where they show up. Of course after looking into this topic I had to start searching myredbook.com to see if I could find any chicks I went to high school with.

Start paying attention people, apparently politics is starting to get interesting and you should be aware of it. Right now we’re grappling with the freedom of the internet and legalized prostitution but if this trend keeps up we’re finally going to adopt my bare knuckle street fighting proposal for politicians. Imagine it: The 2020 presidential election is held inside the ocatgon and available on Pay Per View. Two men enter, one man leaves to become the leader of the free world. I’d start paying more attention then.

P.S. Hey Californians For Privacy; I’m sending more traffic to your site than you’ve ever seen. As a thank you I will gladly accept a pair of passes to your next fund raiser on behalf of my friends who will fully support you. Contact information can be found here.

I recently took a trip to southern California to, among other things, visit my future brother-in-law. He’s a college student who is barely old enough to drink and therefore the act of getting drunk is very much the go-to carnival activity of every weekend, or really any free time available. The astounding thing is that most young people have yet to accept the fact that they are drunks. They play drinking games in order to justify and enhance the act of socially getting obliterated. I, on the other hand, have come to accept the fact that I am a drunk. I have no qualms about setting out, purposefully, on a weekend to get shit-faced hammered for no other reason than I am bored and feel like being shit faced. Sure it may be a bit suspect and I’m probably on my way to turning my liver into a retarded stump of dead flesh inside my guts, but that’s how I roll. Seeing, though, as it’s more socially acceptable to get drunk while playing asinine games I decided that it was time to create my own. Sure they may not be as fun as “circle of kings” or “beer pong” (which, by the way, I am a champion of) but I think they are more aligned with someone who is a fully actualized drinker.

Now when creating drinking games you have to understand that there are games you play in order to get drunk and then there are games you play one you are too drunk to even speak coherently. For example: Beer pong is something you play, as a spectator sport, in order to get the night started. The game itself is not going to get you blitzed but it sets a nice even coat of booze into the tummy. Sort of like slipping a thumb in the ass before you go for the full on anal. My games are designed to get you smashed rather quickly and unequivocally. The games for once you are drunk are designed to take advantage of your idiotic state with little, or no, thought towards the consequences of your actions. And really, what other kind of games are there?

These games started during what my friends and I playfully refer to as “Drunken Olympics ‘06”. You have to pronounce the year as ought six like turn of the century pioneers. We rented a hotel room for the weekend and decided that we were going to be smammered from Friday evening through Sunday afternoon. Like I said; I, and my friends, have absolutely no problems with understanding and placating our drunken tendencies. This was also the same weekend in which security came up to our room NINE TIMES in one night.

ROUND ONE

Remembering that the point of these first round games are to fuck you up; they are best played at home. Starting the drinking games at home means a few things: they’re cheaper, you’ll need to have a cab or designated driver on stand by (preferably not a girl you want to have sex with anytime soon because it’s gonna get ugly), and no one will call the cops on you when you pull out a realistic looking toy gun for the first game.

Airsoft Russian Roulette.
Items Needed:

Now I love my airsoft guns. Unfortunately a lot of them have been damaged in drunken shoot-house scenarios. The one I take the best care of is my revolver and I do so for moments just like this. When you get enough guys together everyone becomes a masochist. Everyone wants to prove how tough they are and how much damage they can take. Mix that philosophy with and airsoft gun and shots of vodka and you’ve got yourself a drinking game that makes beer pong look sophomoric. What you do is load one BB into the cylinder and place the shot of booze on the table in between the two of you. A third party spins the cylinder in order for no one to know where that BB is. How you determine who goes first is up to you: person who’s had the most sexual partners, person who’s the shortest, person who smells most like a homeless man’s ass; you get the idea. Each person takes a turn pointing the gun at an exposed piece of skin, usually the shoulder, and pulling the trigger. Whoever gets shot drinks the booze. Victory is awarded to the injured party because he took it like a man and he’s closer to getting drunk than the rest. If at anytime one person flinches during the game they are to be mocked mercilessly for being a pussy.

Now before we go on I would to stop for a moment to explain this picture. These four bruises are actually the result of being shot with an airsoft gun. That is also, unfortunately, my arm. What you have to understand is that I couldn’t find a picture of something like this so I had to make it. In trying to make sure that it showed up I sat down with my airsoft gun, put on a movie, and for about ten minutes repeatedly shot myself in these four spots. Do you see what I do for you interweb? ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!! What you are also seeing is my first tattoo. I got it when i was eighteen and the guy at the tattoo shop said it meant dreams…eight years later and I haven’t put anything bigger on my arm to not make this sissy ass thing not stand out, that, and I’m not sure if it actually means dreams. For all I know it’s the symbol for glory hole. Got it? Good. Moving on.

Irish Car Bomb Time Trials.
Items Needed:

That’s right it’s time for one of the worst ideas in drinking history: Irish Car Bombs. In this game everyone gets fucked up…fast. These are time trials so a lack of gag reflex helps. Though if you’re playing these games on a team basis the team who ends up with the girl who can deep throat anything (and everyone knows one of those chicks) has to give the team without the whore a bit of a head start. Everyone preps their car bomb, drops the shots and drinks as fast as possible. The person who finishes their car bomb last has to take an extra shot of whiskey. Yeah, it’s a shitty thing to do because the worst drinker ends up drunker, faster, than everyone else but this will come in very handy during round two.

These games can be repeated until an appropriate lever of drunk is achieved; which is usually announced by one guy proclaiming, “Fuck this, let’s go to the bar!” This proclamation means everyone has had enough of being jack asses in private and that it’s time to go out in search of something to sex up.

As stated before: round two games are to be played once everyone feels indestructible and the thoughts of consequences, rejection, or besmirching one’s good name are longer an issue. These games must also keep up and/or advance the amount of drunkenness to prevent people from falling asleep or suddenly getting their sound judgment back. Similarly, at this point, you morals will begin to slip further and further away that brings us to:

ROUND TWO

How Much Are Your Morals Worth
Items Needed:
Drunk Guy
Lack of Self Esteem
Money

The origins of this game go back to when I was in a band and was deemed, and treated like, everyone’s little brother. For those of you who have younger siblings what do you do to them? That’s correct. You torture and torment them and pay them to do things that are socially unacceptable. That, in theory and practice, is the linchpin of the first game in the second round. It starts with a challenge. One member of the party issues a challenge for another member of the party i.e: “I’ve got five bucks that says you won’t go over to that girl, whip your dick out, and start yelling ‘OH MY GOD MY COCK IS TRYING TO ESCAPE MY PANTS!’ then put it away, act like nothing happened, and try to get her phone number.” Or some such other challenge. Other members of the group chime in monetary amounts or promises of liquor. The wager goes up until the victim goes through with it. The further into the night you get, the more daring and idiotic the challenges become. Unfortunately this game can only end two ways: No one does shit…or someone goes to jail. Really well played games end with everyone in jail.

If you’ve done everything correctly through the night you were pretty hammered and bruised when you showed up to the bar. By the end of the first game in Round Two you are morally bankrupt, socially horrified and probably being eyed by more than one person for an ass kicking…good. Game Number Two.

How Pretty Can That Girl Get

Items Needed:

You and your low moralled friends

Girls with self esteem issues

We’ve all been there my friend: The hot chick, whose image is burned into your masturbatory database, wouldn’t piss on your eyes if your face were on fire. But somewhere, in that sweaty drunken wilderness, is a chick who wants your attention. Well with the magic of booze…look, honestly, if you don’t know where I’m going with this joke, you’re too young to be reading it anyway. You probably have homework to do and should be worrying about things like where you’ll be taking your prom date. If you do know where I’m going with this joke, allow me to assist by illustrating it.

And of course if you are successful, this game can pretty much end the night.

Now there are also games that don’t fit into the standard One Round, Two Round, format and those are called transitory games. They can go from the beginning of the night to the very - bitter - end. There are several games that fall into this category but the most popular one is a game that saw it’s birth from a movie. Every wife, girlfriend, and mother probably rues the day that the move Waiting brought forth this game to the masses, oh how they RUE it hard. For those of you who haven’t seen it, for fuck sake go watch it, but this movie also brought about “The Penis Showing Game”. Every guy who has any sort of sophomoric sense of humor this game appeals to every one of our juvenile senses. First you get to pull your wang out in creative ways. Second you get to trick your friends into looking at your creative wang. And lastly you get to kick them and viciously mock their sexuality for looking at the wang you pulled out. That’s right, you pull your wiener out and then call whomever looked at it variations of the word fag…yup, I’m a child but I’m okay with that. If you’re reading this, and you’re a girl, chances are, on more than one occasion, you’ve hid your head in your hands to avoid the social stigma of your boyfriend flashing his balls at a bar.

There are lots of other drinking games that you alcoholics can play, these should get you started for your next weekend booze-fest. If you happen upon another interesting way of making getting obliterated more fun, drop me a line and I’ll test it out the next time I head out on the mission to destroy my liver.