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originally posted on December 5th 2005..I was very angry

I hate evangelical, dogmatic, people. Now I’m not necessarily limiting that statement to religious people but pretty much anyone who feels that their opinions are so important, and righteous, that they have to enforce their beliefs on me no matter the location or circumstance. It reminds me of those anti-abortion people that used to show up at my high school. The last thing I wanted to see, while arriving at school drunker than ten Indians, is their four foot tall picture of an aborted fetus. I’m glad that you think abortion is wrong but there’s no need to storm a school like guerrillas and thump the bible while holding aloft a picture of the head of a dead baby. What the fuck is wrong with you people? Why can’t you just keep it to your fucking self? I enjoy taking a shit, but I’m not going to rush your house at dinner time and espouse the virtues of my last turd or the fact that I had to beat it to death with a shovel. Along those lines; religious zealots need to quit it. I’m neither extremely pro-religion or anti religion. I’ve got my own views on god, we talked over a bottle of whiskey, we’re cool. The fact that you are going door to door selling jesus like Tupperware or mary-kay cosmetics makes me trust you, and him, less. Now go peddle your wares elsewhere so I can get back to making full and complete use of my three day trail membership to clubjenna.com.

The reason this topic has given me a rancid case of the beer farts is because of some god-damned environmentalist cunt-sack that I ran into during work the other day. About two or three times a week I have to take my boss (The Big Guy) to some sort of meeting at a big domed building in downtown Sacramento. If my life, at work, were a movie it would be “Driving Miss Daisy” and I would be Morgan Freeman. That being the case, when The Big Guy goes inside the Big Building for his meetings, I sit outside listening to the radio. Now this tree-hugging woman, who’s probably in her fifties and smells like old crotch, came out and talked to me once during the summer. For some reason she had a problem with me sitting with my car running and the air conditioner on. In a rare moment of me being nice I listened to her hippie ass and turned off the car. I think that was my first mistake. See people are like monkeys: if a monkey throws shit at you and you don’t discipline them to the point where they are scared to fling shit again, it will keep happening. I should have never been nice to this bitch. About three days ago I’m sitting outside the big building, as it’s freezing cold and raining. I turn on the car so I can turn on the heater and not more than ten minutes later, here comes the aging fucking hippie in a huff. She proceeds to bitch at me for having the car running. I explain to her that the car is running so that I can run the heater because it’s cold outside. Stupid move on my part. Apparently logic can’t penetrate her melon head because my answer just opened the door for her to unleash her environmentalist rhetoric on me. I again explained that it was cold, and that’s the reason the car is on and she indignantly replies, “Didn’t your mother teach you to bring a coat when it’s cold?” At that point I thought back to our first encounter this past summer and regretted not crushing her windpipe. No you uppity bitch, I didn’t bring a coat because I’m sitting in a car that has the convenience of having a heater. Technology really is an amazing thing. This thing then demands that I write down The Big Guy’s contact information so she can file a formal complaint about me. As I begrudingly wrote the information the only thought running through my head is that fact that if I were to kick the door open really hard I could probably buckle both of her knees. Don’t you have a fucking job to do? I’m glad your concerned about the environment but take your ass back inside your climate controlled office and leave me the fuck alone. The entire time I’ve been forced to talk to you the window has been down, the car has been off, the heater has not been running and now I’m freezing my fucking ass off. For your edification, the average cattle farm on the outskirts of stockton puts out more pollutants than my god damned staff car and I don’t see you marching your hairy ass out there to force the ranchers to plug the shit-chutes of the cows. I hate people like this so god-damned much. I was going to do a holiday update that included a comic about Godzilla saving christmas but for some reason this bitch made me so mad I completely lost my train of thought for that. Thank you so much you self-righteous bag of ass for pissing me off so much that I couldn’t celebrate the holidays by drawing a picture of Godzilla opening a can of whoop ass on Santa Claus. But being in the Holiday spirit still, here’s my Christmas wish list, why don’t all of you people who can’t keep your dogma to yourselves wrap your ever-flapping lips around the barrel of a twelve gauge and pull the trigger with your toe? Hopefully, if you do that, I’ll be able to live my life unfettered by your need to unburden your opinions on me at the most inopportune time.

So here’s to self righteous cock-sacks that can’t just keep their tiny little opinions to themselves:
Merry Christmas.

Now Fuck Off!
Sincerely,

Travis

This entry was posted on Monday, May 22nd, 2006 at 7:24 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.